Honest Wages
by DoctorH
Summary: This is a "Leave It To Beaver" teleplay, just like watching an episode on TV. Beaver and Wally agree to do a job in exchange for money, but Wally doesn't keep up his end.


"Honest Wages"

This story is dedicated with deepest affection to M.L.S.H.

* * *

ACT I

(FADE IN. EXTERIOR OF THE CLEAVER HOME. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF THE HOME, WALLY & BEAVER'S BEDROOM. WALLY is sitting in a chair, looking at the advertising section of a comic book. BEAVER is on his bed, with a comic book of his own. BEAVER sees WALLY looking over the advertisements.)

BEAVER  
Hey, Wally?

WALLY (still looking at the comic book)  
Yeah?

BEAVER  
Do you think those things are real?

WALLY (still looking at the comic book)  
Do I think what things are real?

BEAVER  
Those things they advertise. You know, the ads where they say you can build up your muscles. Or you can see the bones of your hand with those x-ray glasses. Or that you can keep your face free of "embarrassing acken."

WALLY (smiling but still not looking at BEAVER)  
It's "embarrassing acne," Beav; it means pimples on the face.

BEAVER  
Oh. You think those things are real?

WALLY (looking up)  
I dunno. I guess there might be something to 'em, otherwise they wouldn't be allowed to advertise 'em.

(WALLY goes back to perusing the ads.)

WALLY  
Though I gotta say, I don't see how some of these things could work. This one is for a gadget that can make you taller. Well, I know a lot of guys who'd want to be taller, and if this gizmo could make you taller, everybody'd have one, wouldn't they?

BEAVER  
I guess so.

WALLY  
It's probably nothing more than a five-cent cushion that you put in your shoes, but they charge a dollar for it. And look at this one: it says you can own an actual army tank for five bucks. I don't think so! I don't think the army would let you or me have a tank.

BEAVER  
And real tanks cost a lot more than five bucks, I bet.

WALLY  
Yeah, a ton more!

(BEAVER sees an ad in WALLY's magazine that catches his attention.)

BEAVER  
Hey Wally, what's that ad for?

WALLY  
Which ad?

BEAVER  
That one, next to your thumb?

(WALLY checks to see what ad BEAVER is looking at. The ad shows a drawing of what appears to be a man juggling rings, while several gorgeous women look on in awe. The caption is "THE SECRET OF JUGGLING! Amaze your friends!" There is also a picture of a thick hardcover book, and some fine print, and a form to fill out one's name and address.)

WALLY  
"The secret of juggling. Amaze your friends. It's fun and easy. Be the life of any party. Perform anywhere, anytime! Everyone will want to know how you do it! Offer includes book and instructions for juggling rings."

BEAVER (interested)  
That would be pretty neat!

WALLY  
Yeah, it would. And I know juggling is real; I've seen people do it on television. Hey, maybe they learned the secret by reading this book?!

BEAVER  
How much does that book cost?

WALLY  
Two dollars, it says. Plus postage.

BEAVER (deflated)  
Two dollars? I don't have two dollars.

WALLY  
Right now, neither do I. (sourly) I even owe Dad five dollars. He's taking it out of my allowance.

BEAVER  
But I'll tell you one, thing, Wally. When I get two dollars, I'm going to get that book. I wanna learn that secret!

WALLY  
It's probably not a real secret, Beav. (on second thought) But if you DO get the book, I wouldn't mind learning the secret.

BEAVER  
I think we can work something out! Hey, once we know the secret, maybe the two of us jugglers can run off and join the circus!

(The boys smile. FADE OUT.)

* * *

ACT II

(FADE IN. EXTERIOR OF THE CLEAVER HOME. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF THE HOME, DINING AREA. WARD, WALLY and BEAVER are sitting at the dinner table. JUNE puts food on the table, and then sits. Everyone passes the dishes and helps him/herself.)

BEAVER  
Say, Dad?

WARD  
Yes, Beaver?

BEAVER  
I was just wondering: are there any chores you'd like me to do around the house?

JUNE  
Keep your room clean, for one.

BEAVER  
No, I mean, chores that are a little harder work than that.

WALLY (helpfully)  
Chores where you'd be willing to pay him to do them.

(WARD and JUNE are mildly surprised. BEAVER is embarrassed.)

WARD  
Are you looking for a way to make some money, Beaver?

BEAVER  
Yes, sir.

WARD  
Well, as it happens, there might be something you can do, and you can help, Wally. You boys know Mr. Douglas Gwinn, down the street?

BEAVER and WALLY  
Sure.

WARD  
Well, he's looking for a couple of men to help him move the bricks of his backyard barbecue. Maybe you boys would want to go down to his house and offer to do the job? I'm pretty sure he'd want to pay you.

JUNE  
But that's a big responsibility, boys. If you say you'll do the job, and he says he'll pay you to do it, you have to do the work!

BEAVER  
We will! Sure we will, won't we, Wally?

WALLY  
Yeah.

WARD  
Okay, why don't you boys go see Mr. Gwinn after supper?

(BEAVER and WALLY are excited, BEAVER especially.)

JUNE  
Clean your plates, first, boys. And that includes the broccoli!

(WALLY and BEAVER eat their meals quickly. CUT TO: EXTERIOR GWINN'S HOME. The home is nice and has a high fence around it; the fence has a gate. WALLY and BEAVER come to the front door. WALLY rings the doorbell [SFX]. A moment later, GWINN appears.

GWINN  
Good evening, boys. You're the Cleaver boys, aren't you? Wally and, uh, (snaps his fingers) Beaver.

WALLY  
Yes, sir, Mr. Gwinn. We heard that you needed some help moving some bricks, and, well, we thought we'd offer to do it.

GWINN  
It's a big job, boys. Why don't you come with me?

(GWINN exits his front door, closing the door behind him. With a gesture, GWINN leads WALLY and BEAVER to the gate in the fence, opens the gate, and invites them through. CUT TO: GWINN'S BACK YARD. The back yard is quite big, and is totally fenced in by the high fence. In one corner of the back yard is a large barbecue, made of brick and block.)

GWINN  
That's my barbecue. I need to have someone move it (pointing) from that corner of the yard (pointing) to that corner. It's made of bricks and blocks, but they aren't mortared together. What I need someone to do is take the barbecue apart, and move all the bricks and blocks (pointing) to that corner there. The job involves a lot of lifting and a lot of carrying. I'm hoping to have the job done during this coming weekend.

BEAVER  
Gosh!

GWINN  
Too big a job for you, you think?

WALLY (not very confident)  
Well, I think we could do it, but it might take a long time—

BEAVER  
Mr. Gwinn, we were just wondering, whether, if we did the job—

(BEAVER stops. GWINN catches his drift.)

GWINN  
Would I pay you? Of course I would. How would five dollars each sound?

(It sounds good to WALLY, but to BEAVER, five dollars sounds like all of the money in the world.)

BEAVER  
I'll do it!

WALLY  
Me, too.

GWINN  
But boys, be honest with me. Moving these materials will be a lot of work. If I take you on, I want to be sure that the job will get done. Now, I need to be out of town for part of the weekend, and I might not be here to supervise you. So I need your word that the job will be done.

WALLY  
Honest, Mr. Gwinn, we'll do it.

GWINN  
Can you do it on Saturday? Weather permitting, of course.

WALLY and BEAVER  
Sure!

GWINN  
Okay, I'll take you on. Be here at, oh, nine o'clock. Bring work gloves, if you've got 'em. I'll give you some final instructions, then let you get to work.

WALLY and BEAVER  
Yes, sir!

(CUT TO: EXTERIOR OF THE CLEAVER HOME. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF THE HOME, WALLY & BEAVER'S BEDROOM. BEAVER is looking at the advertisement for the juggling book.)

BEAVER  
"Plus postage." The book costs two dollars plus postage. How much is postage, Wally?

WALLY  
It can't be very much.

BEAVER  
Less than three dollars, you think?

WALLY  
Oh, yeah.

BEAVER  
I'm gonna fill out that order form right now.

(The bedroom door opens and JUNE sticks her head in.)

JUNE  
Wally, there's someone here to see you.

(EDDIE enters. He smiles politely at JUNE.)

EDDIE (insincerely)  
Thank you for showing me to Wallace's bedroom, Mrs. Cleaver.

JUNE (insincerely)  
You're welcome, Eddie.

(JUNE exits, closing the door to the bedroom. BEAVER is not thrilled to see EDDIE, and retreats to his bed. EDDIE ignores BEAVER.)

EDDIE  
Hey! What are you doing Saturday morning? Nothing, right? Well, guess what: Rodney Hallenbeck has just finished souping up his car, and he's taking it out on Saturday.

WALLY (interested)  
No foolin'? The way Rodney's been talking about his car, he must've done something pretty amazing to it!

EDDIE  
A bunch of the guys are going to go down to his garage. Rodney's going show us everything, and he even said he'll take everyone for rides! Think about it: getting to ride around in the coolest car in town!

WALLY  
Yeah!

BEAVER (hesitantly)  
Wally? Saturday?

(EDDIE shoots a quick dirty look in BEAVER's direction, then directs all his attention to WALLY.)

EDDIE  
You ain't got nothin' else goin' on, do ya?

WALLY (with difficulty)  
Well, kinda.

EDDIE  
You can't miss this! It's once in a lifetime!

WALLY  
Eddie, I kinda promised—

EDDIE (teasing)  
Well, if you don't wanna see Rodney's car— or have a look under the hood— or take a ride— or—

(WALLY is torn.)

WALLY  
If it was any day but Saturday.

EDDIE  
Well, it isn't. It's Saturday, only!

(WALLY sneaks a look at BEAVER, who is watching WALLY intently. WALLY has made up his mind, but he's nervous.)

WALLY  
Okay, Eddie, I'll go with you guys.

(BEAVER's eyes go wide, he starts to object, but WALLY makes a gesture, and BEAVER says nothing, though BEAVER is obviously unhappy with what WALLY has just said.)

EDDIE  
Great! We're leaving from the market parking lot at 8:30 in the morning! Stuart O'Malley can fit us all in his truck, and we'll drive down to Rodney's garage.

(EDDIE opens the bedroom door.)

EDDIE  
Should be a good time! See you then!

WALLY  
Yeah, so long, Eddie.

(EDDIE steps through the door. As he starts to close it, he sees someone.)

EDDIE'S VOICE (insincerely)  
Good evening, Mrs. Cleaver. I was just leaving. Thank you, I know my way to the front door.

(The bedroom door closes.)

BEAVER (irritated)  
Wally—!

WALLY  
Beav, if you only knew how long I've waited for this! I can't miss it!

BEAVER  
But Wally, you promised you and me would help Mr. Gwinn!

WALLY  
I know, I know!

BEAVER  
Now he'll have to hire somebody else!

WALLY  
Listen Beav, I won't be at Rodney's garage all day. After I get a good look at his car, and take a ride, I'll come back and help you.

BEAVER  
Yeah?

WALLY  
Yeah! You might be working a couple of hours by yourself, but I'll come back as soon as I can, then you can rest while I work for two hours.

BEAVER (suspicious)  
What if you don't come back?

WALLY  
I will!

BEAVER  
That garage is ten miles away, isn't it? What if nobody gives you a ride back?

WALLY  
They will! But hey, if the worst happens and I don't make it back: You get MY pay. Ten whole dollars. All for you, none for me. And Beav, Mr. Gwinn's job can't be all that hard. It's just moving bricks. You could do it all by yourself if you wanted to.

(BEAVER is still disappointed.)

WALLY  
But if you don't want to do it, we can go back and talk to Mr. Gwinn right now.

(BEAVER is not sure what to do. CUT TO: EXTERIOR GWINN'S HOME. GWINN and BEAVER are standing near the front door. WALLY is conspicuously absent. BEAVER is dressed in working clothes and has work gloves.)

GWINN  
Where's your brother?

BEAVER (trying to sound honest)  
He had an 'mergency appointment this morning. He said he'd be here as soon as he was done.

GWINN  
It's nothing serious, I hope.

BEAVER  
No, sir. Wally just said that, if you tell me everything we need to do, I'll tell him when he gets here.

GWINN (unhappy)  
All right.

(GWINN leads BEAVER through the fence gate into the back yard.)

GWINN  
You have work gloves, I see. Good!

(CUT TO: GWINN'S BACKYARD. GWINN and BEAVER go to the barbecue and GWINN shows BEAVER what he wants. GWINN lifts a brick from the barbecue, and also a larger block. The block is considerably heavier than the brick, but GWINN is able to carry both the brick and the block.)

GWINN  
These bricks and blocks are not affixed to one another. So you disassemble the barbecue, brick-by-brick, block-by-block.

(GWINN walks to the other corner of the backyard, BEAVER following.)

GWINN  
(putting down the block) You place all the blocks, (in a serious tone) neatly, (in a normal tone) here. (putting down the brick) You place all the bricks, (in a serious tone) neatly, (in a normal tone) here. You don't need to worry about reassembling the barbecue! Just move the bricks and blocks over in this area, and (in a serious tone) stack them neatly! (in a normal tone) If you find any bricks or blocks that are broken, and there are a few that are, (pointing) place them there.

BEAVER  
Yes, sir. Bricks here, blocks there—

GWINN (in a serious tone)  
Stacked neatly.

BEAVER  
(mimicking the tone a little) Stacked neatly. (in normal tone) And broken bricks and blocks go over there.

GWINN  
That's right. That's what you need to tell Wally, when he gets here. Oh, and if the two of you need to have some water, there's a garden hose right there.

BEAVER  
Yes, sir.

GWINN  
I'll let you get to it. I have to go. I'll settle up with you and Wally tomorrow morning, all right?

BEAVER  
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

(GWINN departs. BEAVER goes and lifts a block from the barbecue and is surprised at how heavy it is. He lugs it over to the place where the blocks are to be stacked, and placed it neatly next to the block that GWINN carried. BEAVER looks at the barbecue and it looks huge, and he dreads the job he faces. DISSOLVE TO: the same back yard, with the barbecue smaller than it had been. BEAVER has made some progress. Although the barbecue is smaller than it was, there is still a long way to go. Bricks and blocks are stacked neatly, and some broken pieces have been placed where the broken pieces go. BEAVER takes a drink from the hose. BEAVER turns off the water, and looks at the job. BEAVER wipes his brow and flexes his gloved hands.)

BEAVER (to himself)  
Come on, Wally.

(BEAVER resumes moving bricks and blocks.)

BEAVER  
Wally, I really need your help.

(BEAVER continues moving bricks and blocks.)

BEAVER (a bit angrily)  
Wally, you better not be taking two rides!

(BEAVER continues moving bricks and blocks. A shot of the barbecue DISSOLVES to another shot of the barbecue, considerably smaller. A shot of the neatly stacked bricks and blocks confirms that BEAVER has made a lot of progress. BEAVER continues moving bricks and blocks, but he is clearly very tired and is barely able to keep himself going. He stops to rest several times. DISSOLVE TO: a shot of the barbecue, with only one block left. Where the barbecue had been, there is now dirt. BEAVER lifts the last block and carries it over to the stack, and places it. He then straightens it so that it's neat.)

BEAVER (disappointed, to himself)  
Wally!

(BEAVER goes to the hose and turns on the water, and takes a drink. The door to the fence opens, and WALLY comes bounding through. WALLY sees that the barbecue is gone, and then sees BEAVER. BEAVER is fatigued, sweaty, stooped, seemingly barely able to walk; BEAVER turns off the water and replaces the hose in its proper place.)

WALLY (aghast and ashamed)  
Beaver!

(BEAVER looks up; he just wants to go home; he is too tired to be angry.)

WALLY  
Beav, I tried to get back! Really, I did! But nobody was driving back! I couldn't get a ride! But I wanted to, and I asked people! Beaver, I'm so sorry!

(BEAVER walks by WALLY hardly acknowledging him. WALLY looks over the work that has been done.)

WALLY  
Beav, you did it all by yourself! I knew you could!

(BEAVER exits the back yard, WALLY following. WALLY closes the gate to the back yard. BEAVER trudges toward home.)

BEAVER (fatigued)  
Wally, you said—

WALLY  
I'm sorry, Beaver, okay? Look, like I said, when Mr. Gwinn pays us, all of the money goes to you. Does that make you feel better?

BEAVER  
A little.

(WALLY and BEAVER walk toward home. FADE OUT.)

* * *

ACT III

(FADE IN. EXTERIOR OF THE CLEAVER HOME. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF THE HOME, LIVING ROOM. WARD is reading a section of the Sunday newspaper. JUNE is looking at some of the advertisements for sales. WARD puts down the section of newspaper he was reading, and gets up from his chair, to select another section to read. The doorbell rings [SFX]. WARD heads to the door as JUNE looks up.)

WARD  
I'll see who it is, dear.

(WARD goes to the front door and opens it. There is GWINN, waiting on the front step. GWINN stays out on the step, while WARD stays near the doorway.)

WARD  
Well, hello, Doug!

GWINN  
'Morning, Ward. I just wanted to drop by this morning and settle up with your boys, for helping me with my barbecue.

WARD (cautiously)  
Did they do a good job?

(In the living room, JUNE perks up; she wants to hear the answer to the question.)

GWINN (smiling broadly)  
Good heavens, yes! A wonderful job! I couldn't be more pleased! Very fine work, indeed!

(WARD's chest puffs up a little; in the living room, JUNE beams. GWINN fishes for his wallet.)

GWINN  
And I told your boys that I'd pay them five dollars each.

(GWINN pulls two five-dollar bills from his wallet, one at a time, and hands them to WARD, who takes them.)

GWINN  
So here's five for Wally, and five for Beaver. And tell them thanks from me for a job well done.

WARD  
I will!

GWINN (turning and waving)  
'Bye, now!

WARD  
Good-bye, Doug, and thank you!

(WARD shuts the front door, and walks back to the living room with spring in his step. Both WARD and JUNE are pleased.)

JUNE  
That's a nice thing for parents to hear! Their sons agreed to do a job, and fulfilled their responsibilities!

WARD (taking out his wallet)  
Yes, it is! I'm very proud of the boys!

(WARD takes one of the five-dollar bills and puts it in his wallet, then puts his wallet in his back pocket. JUNE sees this and wonders why WARD is doing this.)

JUNE  
Ward, you're not keeping some of the boys' money for yourself, are you?

WARD  
Of course I am. You remember that Wally agreed to pay me five dollars for that shovel that he broke.

(JUNE mouths "Oh!"; she remembers.)

WARD  
I was going to deduct the five dollars over time from Wally's allowance, but I'm sure Wally would rather that his debt simply be paid off, and that his allowance resume immediately.

JUNE (uncomfortably)  
Maybe Wally—

WARD (unaware of JUNE's discomfort)  
I'm going to go talk to the boys right now!

(WARD turns toward the stairs. CUT TO: WALLY & BEAVER'S BEDROOM. BEAVER is in bed, still exhausted. WALLY is awake, but is looking through his dresser for something to wear. There is a knock on the door [SFX], and WALLY quickly opens the door. BEAVER stirs and surreptitiously opens an eye. WARD is in the hallway outside the door, smiling proudly. WARD peeks into the bedroom and sees BEAVER apparently sleeping.)

WALLY (quietly)  
Could we talk in the hallway, Dad, Beaver's still tired from all the work yesterday.

(WALLY joins WARD out in the hall; WALLY closes the bedroom door. WARD smiles broadly.)

WARD  
Wally, you know how I've always tried to impress upon you the importance of keeping your word.

WALLY (nervously, not knowing what's coming)  
Yes, sir—?

WARD  
It is very important in this world, if a man says he'll do a job, he'll do it. If a man says he'll show up for work, he'll show up when he's supposed to show up.

(WALLY is now worried, expecting that WARD might bawl him out.)

WARD  
And if a man says that he'll do a job, he'll do it well; he'll do it the way it ought to be done. He won't try to escape his obligations, or shirk his responsibilities, or make someone else do his job for him.

WALLY (nervous)  
Yes, sir—?

WARD  
And I just wanted to tell you how proud I am as your father that you have taken these lessons to heart. Mr. Gwinn just stopped by, and he told me that the work that you and Beaver did yesterday was first-rate! His exact words to me were, "I couldn't be more pleased!"

WALLY (smiling but still nervous)  
That is nice to hear, Dad.

WARD  
The two of you said you'd do an unpleasant job, and the two of you kept your word! I'm very proud!

WALLY (smiling but still nervous)  
Yeah.

WARD  
Mr. Gwinn also dropped off your pay for a job well done.

(WARD hands a five-dollar bill to WALLY, who is pleased to take it.)

WARD  
Would you please make sure Beaver gets that, when he wakes up?

(WALLY puts the pieces together and is suddenly worried again)

WALLY  
Dad, about "my" pay—?

WARD  
Well, since you've already agreed to pay me five dollars, Wally, I thought you'd want it to be used to settle that debt.

(WARD pats his wallet. WALLY is paralyzed.)

WARD  
Very grown up of you! You and I are now square, and your allowance will continue as before. That's good news, isn't it?

WALLY (smiling with difficulty)  
Yes, sir.

WARD  
When Beaver comes downstairs, I'll tell him how proud I am of him. But you make sure he gets that five dollars, all right?

WALLY (with difficulty)  
Yeah.

(WARD walks away, still smiling proudly. WALLY feels ill. With the five dollars in hand, WALLY re-enters the bedroom. BEAVER is awake, and is mostly dressed; but BEAVER is sitting on his bed, and is rubbing his eyes. BEAVER spots the five dollars in WALLY's hand and brightens up.)

BEAVER  
Did Mr. Gwinn come by to pay us?

WALLY  
Yeah, he did.

(WALLY hands the five-dollar bill to BEAVER, who takes it and holds it like a treasure. BEAVER is expecting more, however.)

BEAVER  
Wally, this is only five dollars. You said you'd pay me the five dollars Mr. Gwinn was going to pay you.

WALLY (uneasily)  
I was, but—

BEAVER (now worried)  
But what?

WALLY  
Dad kept it. I owed Dad five dollars, so he kept my share.

BEAVER (angrily)  
But it wasn't your share! It was mine!

WALLY  
I know, Beav, I know!

BEAVER  
Well, why didn't you tell Dad that your five dollars really belongs to me?

(WALLY hesitates.)

WALLY  
I couldn't. I mean, if you'd heard what Dad said about a man doing a job he said he would do and that a man wouldn't try to get someone else to do the job for him— Beav, I COULDN'T tell Dad that you did all of the work and I didn't do any of it!

BEAVER (getting out of bed)  
I'm going to tell him, right now! That five dollars is mine!

WALLY (in near panic)  
You can't! Beaver, I'll pay you the five dollars. Out of my allowance! I promise!

BEAVER  
That will take months! That money is mine, right now!

(BEAVER charges to the bedroom door.)

WALLY (frightened)  
No, Beaver!

(WALLY holds the door closed, but BEAVER shows that he is determined to open it.)

WALLY (resigned)  
All right, all right; but Beaver, PLEASE let me explain it all to Dad.

BEAVER (not fully trusting)  
If I don't get my other five dollars, I'm going to do the explaining!

(WALLY eases up on the door. BEAVER opens the door and exits the bedroom, WALLY following. CUT TO: the living room, with WARD and JUNE still working their ways through the Sunday newspaper.)

WALLY  
Dad, can we have a word with you?

(WARD and JUNE put down the newspapers, wondering what is up.)

WARD  
Of course, Wally.

WALLY  
Dad, this morning you talked with me about the importance of a man doing a job that he's agreed to do.

WARD  
Yes?

WALLY  
And that reminded me of something else that you taught us earlier.

BEAVER (impatiently)  
Tell him, Wally.

WALLY  
(to BEAVER) I'm getting to it! (to WARD) You taught us the importance of admitting our mistakes, when we made them. You taught us the importance of making things right after we made mistakes.

BEAVER (more impatient)  
Tell him, Wally!

WALLY  
Well, Dad, I made a mistake, and I want to admit to it. And I want to make it right.

(WARD doesn't know how to react to this.)

JUNE  
What mistake, Wally?

WALLY  
I didn't mean for it to happen. I mean, I tried—

BEAVER (interrupting, with voice raised)  
I did all the work! It wasn't Wally AND me, it was JUST me! (pause, voice no longer raised) Mr. Gwinn's bricks, I moved them all. Wally didn't move any.

(WARD and JUNE are stunned. WALLY hangs his head. BEAVER is still a little angry.)

WALLY (quietly)  
It's true. Beaver did all the work.

BEAVER  
So, Dad, that five dollars in your wallet, that you got from Mr. Gwinn to go to Wally, that five dollars goes to me; 'cuz I did the entire job.

WALLY (quietly)  
Beaver deserves it.

JUNE  
Wally, I hope you have a good excuse for not doing your part of the work, and having your brother do it.

WALLY  
Well, there was this car, and Eddie Haskell and some of the other guys—

(WALLY stops speaking when WARD and JUNE furl their brows at the mention of Eddie's name. WALLY notices, and pauses, then hangs his head.)

WALLY  
No, I have no excuse.

(WARD stands, and pulls his wallet from his back pocket. A stern expression on his face, WARD pulls a five-dollar bill from his wallet and hands it to BEAVER, whose face lights up as he examines the bill.)

BEAVER  
Oh, boy!

WARD (to BEAVER)  
Beaver, I'm very proud of you for going the extra mile and doing the job you agreed to do. But I'll talk to you later. Right now, I'd like to have you go to your room while your mother and I have a talk with Wally.

BEAVER  
Okay, Dad. (somewhat vindictively) Throw the book at him, Dad!

WARD (sternly)  
To your room, Beaver.

(BEAVER heads to the stairs, then turns.)

BEAVER  
Don't forget, Wally doesn't get any allowance.

(WALLY shoots BEAVER a "Did you have to remind them?" look.)

WARD and JUNE  
Beaver—!

(BEAVER heads up the stairs. DISSOLVE TO: EXTERIOR OF THE CLEAVER HOME. CUT TO: INTERIOR OF THE HOME, WALLY & BEAVER'S ROOM. WALLY is reading a comic book. The door bursts, open, and BEAVER enters, carrying a package.)

BEAVER  
It's here! It's here! The mailman just brought it!

WALLY (turning)  
Took long enough. When did you send off for that book, a month ago? Just after I got put in the doghouse, wasn't it?

BEAVER  
Yeah. (looking at the package) "Master T. Cleaver." That's me! From "J and L Amusements" of Pair-A-Mouse, New Jersey.

WALLY (correcting)  
Paramus.

(BEAVER tears open the package and withdraws the contents. BEAVER extracts a small paper pamphlet, with the cover saying "Secrets of Juggling." He reaches into the package and pulls out a stiff piece of paper with two concentric circles drawn on it.)

BEAVER  
Huh. I thought they were going to send rings for me to juggle. But this is just a PATTERN for a ring, and it says here we gotta make the rings ourselves. And I thought it was supposed to be a book. This is not a book, and it's not very long, either.

WALLY  
Maybe the secrets of juggling don't take too long to tell.

BEAVER  
Yeah, maybe.

(BEAVER flips through the pamphlet. There are some diagrams illustrating how to juggle. BEAVER is disappointed in what he got in exchange for his money. BEAVER looks at the first page, and makes a face.)

BEAVER  
Hey, Wally, the secrets of juggling apparently DON'T take very long to tell! Listen to this, this is how the book starts out: "The secret to juggling cannot be found in this book or any other book. The only secret to juggling is practice. Practice is something YOU need to do. The book cannot do it for you. If you read this book, but neglect to practice, you will not learn how to juggle."

WALLY (sympathizing)  
Oh, Beav! The secret is that there is no secret? Two dollars right down the drain.

BEAVER  
Plus postage down the drain, too. Hey Wally, how come we learn lessons that it's important to keep your word, especially when you're being paid to do something, but so many other people don't seem to learn the same lessons?

(FADE OUT)

THE END


End file.
